I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
