New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
