I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
