his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
