i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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