i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
