my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
