I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
