I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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