Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
