just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
