Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
