Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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