I will die if light touches me.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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