I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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