I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
