Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
