she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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