why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
