I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
