I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
