You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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