i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
