i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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