it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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