I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
