i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
