Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
