Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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