Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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