this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
