her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize