The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
