you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
