Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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