Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
