when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
