Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
