idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she smelled like a LAN party
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
