You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I touched a dick in church today
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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