I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i think we sleep fucked last night...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
