I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
