I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
