I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
