I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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