I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
