I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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