the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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