Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
