God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
