Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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