Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
