There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
