It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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