Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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