I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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