Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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