he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
