a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize