I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
