I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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