i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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