Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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