go do what you do best...puke behind churches
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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