i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
