dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
