I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
