The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
