you guys were way drunker than both of me
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
