How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
