Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
