On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just threw up on my dentist
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
