Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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